[Adeline]

Dear [Adeline]

thank you for letting me cry into your pillow

and pretending not to mind when the tears spilled over onto this blog.

thank you for covering for me when I wanted to share

my deepest

because I don't think I could've done it without you.

thank you for agreeing with me

when I thought we deserved more comments

but not letting me wallow in self-pity

because you know me so well.

thank you for taking on a life of your own

and teaching me so much about myself

just by listening

& thank YOU

thank you

[Courtney Rome]

& [Eva Peron]
& [Cloudwatcher]
& [June Lancaster]
& [Avery Moon]

& every other

thank you for the promises to come back for more

since the very first "maybe"

and thank you for letting me take pride in the posts I wanted to delete

and thank you for your own,

the inspiration I couldn't have written one thing without.

thank you for sighing with me

and crying with me

and being patient with me

when I couldn't quite find the right words

& I never did mean to be the sad blog.

This isn't the end.
because this blog is far too therapeutic
to live without



[Adeline], you will be a favorite memory.
a sad smile
a good laugh

and now they'll call me

paige.

because life goes on

and pain demands to be felt.

xoxo,

Paige Smalley

Dreams be Dreams / They Do They Don't

an (experimental) Jack Johnson mash-up




She's just waiting for the summertime when the weather's fine
Tied down against the tracks
She could hitch a ride out of town
Screaming in silent black and white
And so far away from that low down
Why'd you trust us we are such villains
good for nothing
mistake making fool
With excuses like baby that was a long time ago
We would tell ourselves anything
But that's just a euphemism if you want the truth he was out of control
then your mind just won't let it go
To listen is to learn
Then too much is what we deserve

Well summer came along and it then was gone and so was she
And how come when we say that we do
We don't 
because he followed her just to let her know
A dream's a dream
we were used
Used to thinking we got nothing to lose
And all this living's so much harder than it seems
We're losing everything but the truth

But girl don't let your dreams be dreams 
With all its do's and don'ts 
The future is an empty promise
You know this living's not so hard as it seems
Don't let your dreams be dreams
Unconcerned and so tired of waiting
full of nightmares and when they open
There's no going back to the good old days 

Archaism is a dusty road leading us back to nowhere
Is walking straight into a roadblock
Don't let your dreams
Your dreams be dreams

How come when we say we do 
We don't
How come when we say we will

We won't

Dear [Adeline]

You're mistaken.
You keep thinking that I'm broken.

You write about those nights last January

those nights listening to those voice recordings.

You write about when he came home early.

& when you came too late.

You write about the forecast for the rest of her life

& that evening when you swear I was shattered

           & glistening on the floor of this rib cage.

but you're wrong.

You were wrong when you thought pieces of me were slipping

slipping through your tear ducts & into your shaking fingers.

You were wrong when you realized that rocking back & forth

back & forth

was helping.

When really you were giving me a headache

& when I get a headache,

you feel the heartache

& and we're both spiraling through time and heartbreak and

you were wrong.

And I know you'll never believe me

because you'll never see me

& you'll never see,

you'll never see that 

i am whole.

So go on thinking.

Go on feeling.

& go on writing as if I'm

broken

but you'll know,

you'll know that

You

Are

Almost

Always

Wrong.

still here,

still whole,

Your Heart.

heartstrings

and the tears on her pillow
are screaming

get over it
grow up
pick your battles

but no one picks their battles
battles pick you

heartache finds you
and heartbreak breaks you

and she's gasping for air

because her heartstrings,

her heartstrings somehow

got tangled around her lungs.

and she's not used to them being pulled in this way

and only the tears are left

screaming.

long way home

take it slow.

please

take the long way home.

will you remember me?

let's take the long way home.

cherish the moments.

drag them out

and have them more often.

because there are only so many.

days, weeks, months,

no, lets count on years.

years of love

years of pain

years of heartbreak

and moments of bliss

and then ill miss you. 

so lets take it slow.

lets take the long way home

and make this bridge to the other side

a little less

a little less painful.

and hopefully the other side

is right here with me.

will you

remember 

me?

Long Way Home - Jukebox the Ghost

how to feel nostalgic

think about your old house
or your old car
or your old friends
or your old (boy)friends

& smile
or even laugh
but probably cry

remind yourself of the heartache
or the long drives
or the long laughs

& laugh again
because it never gets old

read how you used to feel
& look at old photos
& wish for times passed

but move on
keep moving
because

an idle mind is a lonely one.